The following series of short posts deal with the most frequent issues that lead to relationship conflict and often end in an impasse.
COMMUNICATION
This is the front-runner when a relationship heads into a downward spiral. In my clinical and personal experience, communication at the level of a close intimate relationship is a REAL difficult thing to do. This statement may seem counterintuitive. We all communicate all the time, right? While this is true, most people do it poorly, especially when emotions heat up. And you can be assured that feelings are always involved in these conversations.
Our emotional system is very sophisticated and challenging to understand with any degree of accuracy. It is difficult to take reading of our feelings when we are arguing and emotions are flowing fast and hot. In these times, it is very hard to understand our own feelings, let alone those of the person we are in conflict with. Conversations quickly lose their flow and become an argument or, worse, a fight. They become circular, lose all logic, and no one listens to the other anymore. In the end, all feel hurt, and one of both them decides there is no point in talking. The problem with disengaging is that the issues fester, people feel ignored and disregarded, anger and hurt build, and the following argument will be fuelled by all that repressed resentment. If this sounds familiar, it is because many couples often go through this dynamic.
A competent relationship therapist can coach couples through a much more effective communication process while containing whatever anger and hurt the couple brings to the room.